what i was doing while you were breeding by kristin newman

What this means about my life is that I spend about nine months a year in a room full of, mostly, poorly dressed men, telling dick jokes and overeating and, sometimes, sitting on the floor with Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, and a chimpanzee (before all three found the age difference insurmountable). For the last fourteen years I’ve written for shows like That ’70s Show, How I Met Your Mother, Chuck, The Neighbors, and shows you’ve never heard of that nonetheless afford me two over-the- top lucky things: the money to buy plane tickets and the time off to travel. Now, having sex with foreigners is not the only whorish thing I do: I also write sitcoms. I do not sleep with more than one person at a time, and, sometimes, no more than one per year. I don’t kiss married men or guys I work with, I don’t text people pictures of my genitalia, I don’t go home with boys I meet in bars before they have at least purchased me a couple of meals, I’ve never shown my boobs for beads. I have rarely had a fewer-than-four-night stand in the Land of the Free. I am not a slut in the United States of America. Equal parts laugh-out-loud storytelling, candid reflection, and wanderlust-inspiring travel tales, 'What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding' is a compelling debut that will have readers rushing to renew their passports. Kristin introduces readers to the Israeli bartenders, Finnish poker players, sexy Bedouins, and Argentinean priests who helped her transform into 'Kristin-Adjacent' on the road-a slower, softer, and, yes, sluttier version of herself at home. In addition to falling madly in love with the planet, Kristin fell for many attractive locals, men who could provide the emotional connection she wanted without costing her the freedom she desperately needed. Not ready to settle down and in need of an escape from her fast-paced job as a sitcom writer, Kristin instead traveled the world, often alone, for several weeks each year. A funny, sexy, and ultimately poignant memoir about mastering the art of the 'vacationship.' Kristin Newman spent much of her twenties and thirties buying dresses to wear to her friends' weddings and baby showers.

What i was doing while you were breeding by kristin newman